If youāre anything like me (and I donāt wish that on anyone), you might have problems asking for help. A ride to the airport. Directions. Move furniture. Bail money (I told you that you donāt want to be like me).
We (or at least I, and thatās what matters in my columns) donāt want to bother others. Ask a favorā¦be a burden. You get my drift.
Asking for help is a whole ānother issue. It can be construed as a sign of weakness. Iāve certainly been on both sides of that equation, so I know of what I speak. Noā¦not that I judge someone as weak if they ask for help. I offer that willingly and readily. I only judge you if youāre a Yankees fan.
And yeahā¦thatās always been my nature, to the point of being annoying (just ask the Trophy Wife). I canāt help itā¦itās a Schenker thing. At the risk of alienating a specific segment of my readership (thatās rightā¦both of you), helpfulness was once explained to me in this way:
Residents of a certain, unnamed state (thereā¦thatāll cover my ass) appear on the surface to be helpful and friendly and all that stuff but, if you scratch that surface, they can be cold and distant. On the other hand, we New Yorkers can seem to be brusque, and blunt, and to the point but, if you scratch the surface, weāll give you the shirt off our back. Please note: this was explained to me by a former resident of that certain, unnamed state.
I bring all of this up as I just completed a text exchange with a business associate I donāt know particularly well, but from whom I needed a favor. In that weāre not close, I felt funny asking him for help in the first place, but I suspected that he could help me get through something.
And he did. And Iām glad. And I thanked him profuselyā¦going so far as to tell him heās my new best friend. Iām hoping this doesnāt mean that I have to take him to the airport. In that he doesnāt know me well at all (heās not likely to have ever read my columns), I donāt know how heāll react to this new level in our relationship. He has yet to reply to that comment, so he might just have some concerns.
Reality has a funny way of reminding us that weāve all had our share of challenges. Mister Rogersā mother instilled in him that he should always āLook for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.ā. On the other hand, itās said that the Lord helps those who help themselves. Who am I to argue with the Lord and/or Mr. Rogersā mother?
If my ongoing reality has taught me anything (and that is, of course, always open to debate), itās that I can best rely on myself. I may not make the right choices (file that under āBig duh!ā), but theyāre mine. I may not be my own best choice for help, but I know with whom Iām dealing.
But I canāt do it all by myself. Asking for an assist from that fairly new acquaintance of mine was a big step. I didnāt think I knew him well enough to request the favor, but in doing so I have opened the door getting closer to him and knowing him better. That he has shown that he can be a helpful and considerate person is a very good indication that I could get to like him.
Getting to know and like myself is an ongoing issue. Itās a work in progress. If it isnāt for you, youāre either delusional or a liar. As both, I can spot it in others.
Iām not one for daily affirmations. To me theyāre right up there with New Years resolutions: they set us up for disappointment. However, I do pause long enough to consider just who I want to be. Or appear to be. Not the one who can present a list of accomplishments and failures for public consumption, but who can be in the moment. When called upon. To drive you to the airport or otherwise. Am I the type of person who can do that without expectations? It doesnāt matter that I think I am. What matters is what you think.
As I said, itās an ongoing process. If I want to give a good impression, I recognize that I have to believe my own line of bull. If I want you to like me, I have to think about whether I like me.
What about our customers? Vendors? I know Iāve mentioned this before, but there are some promotional industry companies with whom Iāve refused to work or partner due to the public persona of one or more parties. What are your customers thinking about you? Do you see room for improvement? Trust me: thereās always room for improvement. Or was that Jell-O?
Want to make some changes? Start smallā¦work your way up. Laugh more. Loudly. At yourself, too. Be kind. Kind-er. Do that favor for someone you donāt know that well. Do yourself those favors, too. Do the things youāve always said you were going to do. Even if youād only promised yourself.
And accept the fact that, once you think youāre on the right path, plot twist (see last month's blog about that: Shake it Up). Stuff happens. Roll with it. And yeahā¦ask for help. For what itās worth, my door is always open.
Thatās who I amā¦or at least want to be. Ultimately, I guess I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.
Mike Schenker, MAS, is āall thatā at Mike Schenker, Consulting, where he assists businesses entering the promotional products industry, mentors professionals, and offers association management. He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.