Mike....You're doing it wrong

Having moved twice within the last two years (and no…that is not to what this title refers), there has been a lot of downsizing. Downsizing, and flat-out purging.

Moving to Florida to work on a client’s project, I knew that I could do without most of my heavy sweaters, and one or two sweatshirts. Moving back to New Jersey, I have been seeking the correct wardrobe box that contains my warmer jackets, Commonsku-logoed toque, and oh yeah…gloves. And it’s only October.

Prior to each move, the Trophy Wife and I both tossed a few things. I’m not sure which of us gets more sentimental about a promotional t-shirt. Considering that I still have one from the 1975 Schaefer Music Festival in Central Park, I suspect it’s me.  

To clarify: I still have that shirt. Framed, but I still have it.

What I don’t have are several other shirts from various events, walks, 5Ks, etc. In some cases, it appears that the moves must have changed the molecular structure of the garments, causing them to shrink a size. That must be the case…unless I’ve gotten taller.

But yes…I have thrown away (or in many cases, donated via those bins outside of stores) several shirts. And yes…they might very well have been promotional advertisement shirts. In some cases (brace yourself), purchased. As a souvenir. Retail. One in particular comes to mind.

Chances are you’ve seen the shirt. No…not on me, but in passing. It’s from a very popular dive bar: Sloppy Joe’s in Key West, Florida. Has a rendering of Ernest Hemingway on it, looking all manly. Know the one?

Let’s have some fun with math for a moment: current list price for the shirt in question: $21.95. Ash colored t-shirt. Maybe a cost of $2.00. Two-color imprint. Add another dollar. Maybe two. For the sake of discussion, let’s say that it might be a three-color imprint. Max…three dollar for imprinting. So you’re looking at a $5.00 cost on this garment. Being sold for $21.95. Well played, Sloppy Joe’s…well played.

Having been a garmento for so many years, it always pained me to pay retail for a promotional shirt, but there was something so ironically tacky that made me want to own that shirt…like the time I bought one for my son while driving past the Nixon Museum. But I digress…

The Sloppy Joe shirt in question had finally started to fade. The shirt itself had held up well, but the imprint was starting to go. Perhaps due to my professional background, the quality of the imprint was more important than the garment itself. It was a promotional advertising t-shirt…trust me, it’s just a matter of time before I get another one to take its place.  

Is this the start of a purge? Perhaps. It’s officially Autumn now…nearly time to find whatever winter wear I still have, fill in some gaps, and put away the summer clothes.  

Anyone else depressed now? Okay…who isn’t? That’s a different topic for another column.

And that Sloppy Joe shirt that’s been tossed? Let’s face it: it was time. It was old. Might make for an interesting metaphor for my life.

Mind you, none of this is helping my industry one bit. T-shirts like that need to be worn to death, and then pitched. And then replaced. Circle of life, and all that. Let someone get a re-order. Guess I’m not a friend to this profession after all.

Is it my fault that these shirts hold up so well?  Industry statistics state that the average lifespan of a promotional t-shirt is just a few years.  As I said, the Sloppy Joe shirt was old. I’ve still held onto other shirts I have that are nearly that old…

My Maui Downhill shirt was purchased (what…again?) in 2003. That’s held up quite well (although I wouldn’t mind going back in order to replace it). Fifteen years old! Once again, I’m not helping my industry.

Math was never my strong suit. I believe I’ve addressed that in previous columns. So maybe one of you geniuses can assist me.

The Sloppy Joe shirt (now) costs $21.95. Maybe, way back when, I paid $15 for it (?).  In that it’s several years old, theoretically I should have “replaced” it a couple of times over at, let’s say, $18.  

But I didn’t. Is this a testament to the garments, or to my laundering skills? That’s neither here nor there. I more than got my money’s worth from that t-shirt. And many others. At this point, I should have put some money back into the industry by purchasing new souvenir shirts (sidebar to the Trophy Wife: maybe we need to go on more vacations). But I haven’t…it’s the fault of the shirts, not mine.

As such, I will now publicly apologize to the promotional apparel people out there, who aren’t making enough money off of me. On the other hand, I think that places and venues like Sloppy Joe’s, Maui Downhill, Doc Waters (up in Alaska…another fun dive bar)…they’ve gotten years of free advertising thanks to me. Something’s just not adding up right!

Mike Schenker, MAS, is “all that” at Mike Schenker, Consulting, where he assists businesses entering the promotional products industry, mentors professionals, and offers association management.  He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.