That's a Load of Ship

While my career trajectory has been one of determined obsolescence, I have always been quick to point out that I have often been a victim of circumstance and really poor genetics. As always, a clarification about what I’ve written is called for… it usually doesn’t show up in the first paragraph, however.

As I write this, I’m presently sitting on a cruise ship somewhere in the Atlantic. By the time you read this, I should be back in my office, wishing I was still on a cruise ship. The purpose of this trip actually defies what I’d written in paragraph one: I am actually blessed with very good genes, as my immediate family and I are on vacation, celebrating my father’s 90^th birthday, and my mother’s 85^th. The extended Schenker family gene pool, while not exactly deep, is at the very least strong and healthy.

In our industry, I have been a long-time road warrior, with stories and songs to share of tales of travels and woe. As a career traveler, I have the art of packing and planning down to a science, allowing for winter weather delays to/from the Northeast and hurricane season in the South. It’s who I am and what I do, and I do it damn well.

Until this trip. I don’t want to make excuses, but it’s my column and it’s all true: this vacation couldn’t have come at a worse time, professionally, as I am presently nearing the dates of the Gold Coast Promotional Products Association’s trade show (https://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/eventReg?oeidk=a07eeb4ybxb0de1792d&oseq&c&ch). When I came on board as the executive director of GCPPA, the dates for this event were already set in stone. I certainly couldn’t ask the association to change all the dates or the plans in place.

Nor could I ask my parents to re-schedule their birthdays. This all gets filed under “It is what it is,” and all parties simply agreed that there was no choice in the matter and we’ll all make it work.

I mention all this in reference to what I’d written two paragraphs above. I simply did not plan properly for this trip. While I’d brought a shipload of work with me (see what I did there?), I did not pack enough clothing. Bathing suits, shorts and such can be washed in the tiny sink and left to dry, but I really screwed up on shirts and socks.

Recognizing this almost immediately once we unpacked on the ship, I washed out one pair of socks the first night. Now, four days later, they are dry enough to be worn. Via this method and at this rate, any future hosiery requirements will be fulfilled by my next vacation.

As such, when we were in port today, I went into a local pharmacy/notions shop/liquor store/panini maker (yes, really) and purchased sweat socks. In my life, this is not an extraordinary occurrence. I do tend to live in these, so I can promise you that these will be put into regular rotation soon enough.

Here’s where I had my issues today. Yesterday too, for that matter. By my count, I am two shirts short for the remainder of this trip. I simply cannot bring myself to purchase a polo shirt or even a T-shirt from the ship’s gift shop, much less from any of the souvenir shops we’ve encountered.

As a long-time industry garmento, I know a quality shirt when I see and feel one. I also recognize crap. I saw shirts that fell into each category, and I just couldn’t bring myself to spend upwards of $120 (American) on a really crappy polo shirt. I don’t need a promotional product to remind me of this really special vacation. I have many questionable photographs which have been posted on Facebook and will most likely come back to bite me in the butt.

And that, gentle readers, is what possibly makes me one of our industry’s worst ambassadors. Everywhere I turn, is yet another form of a promotional item, and I can’t bring myself to buy them. I know what a top quality polo shirt should cost at retail. I also know what the lesser-quality pieces should cost (note: I switched to “lesser-quality” as I had already used up my quota on the word “crap”). I just couldn’t spend the money.

Fortunately, the Schenker-family gene pool does have some other, better tributaries. My son is along for this trip. This is the same child for whom, when he was younger, I was always buying him something from the hotel or airport gift shop, reminding him of my trip to Bemidgi, MN or some other cultural hot-spot. It didn’t bother me as much then as it does now… or maybe because it was a gift for my kid and not a necessity for myself. Who knows. At any rate, his wife was unable to join us for this vacation (don’t judge… we’ve all given her a pass on this one), so he went and bought her a really nice sweatshirt (Caity don’t read that if Dan’s not home yet!). A quality piece, logoed from our destination, and way over-priced. And I said nothing. It’s not my money, nor my Trophy Wife.

I know I’m not unique in this: I’m sure that at one time or another, every promotional industry professional has encountered a museum, airport, resort or hotel gift shop and looked at the available merchandise and said, “Wow… that’s an awful lot of money for something that I know costs X.” What does make me unique is that I have a column and you don’t.

As I write this final paragraph, I am still two shirts short. My father has offered to lend me something. I may have to re-consider the ship’s gift-shop.

Mike Schenker, MAS, is the executive director of the Gold Coast Promotional Products Association (GCPPA), as well as “all that” at Mike Schenker, Consulting. He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.