Thank You for Being a Friend

Beware: extreme navel gazing ahead. Where does one draw the line between associate, client, protege, mentor, and friend?  

I’ve been juggling that sentence, or variations thereof, for a couple of months now. Seemingly, every day I get another reminder about the fine lines we each draw around the boxes and compartments in our lives.

As a promotional products industry veteran, I have forged many (many) relationships. I am friendly to nearly everyone I encounter (yes, I qualify that. I am NOT friendly to everyone. There are some people I now go out of my way to go out of my way from), but are we actually friends? Some of you may think we are… I don’t want to ruin your day by saying “No… not you.”  But the fact of the matter is that you wouldn’t think of inviting me to your kid’s bar mitzvah, and it’s just as well as I never know what to give to a 13-year-old boy (as it turns out, “a 13-year old-girl” is the wrong answer).

Consulting is my job. It’s what I do. It’s how I make a living. It’s how I can afford the Trophy Wife. You don’t pay me, she makes my life a living hell. Do we have an understanding here?

In my day-to-day existence as a consultant, it is my job to help companies either enter the promotional products business properly (yes, I have to qualify that, as I’ve run into problems with a few clients who wanted to enter the industry improperly), or grow or redirect the way things have always been done.

SIDEBAR: Here’s one of my favorite lines about consulting, from Robert (not the actor/comedian) Townsend: “Consultants are people who borrow your watch and tell you what time it is, and then walk off with the watch.”

I work with companies and individuals on strategies and best practices. All in the spectrum of the betterment of those clients, our industry as a (w)hole, and my bank account.

For as long as I can remember (which, at my age varies from vivid memories of the long-shuttered Concord Hotel in upstate New York to vague recollections of last month’s Gold Coast Promotional Products Association’s trade show in Fort Lauderdale), I have always found ways to give back to this industry. It’s simply who I am and what I do. My time as a volunteer and a mentor has brought me great satisfaction.

As a mentor, I work with companies and individuals on strategies and best practices. All in the spectrum of the betterment of those clients, our industry as a whole, and my bank account.

Ergo, one of the many conflicts and contradictions of my life. Where do I draw the line between paid client and protege? Even though I can’t quote the line exactly right, I will at least attribute the thought process to Joel Schaffer, who has said something to the effect that every time someone asks to pick his brain, the meter is running. I know I have done him a disservice by butchering his line, but my heart is in the right place… even if my brain isn’t.

Like many people in our business, I look at Joel as a mentor. We first worked together (as vendor and client) 30 years ago, and he continues to serve as a sounding board. Have I always taken his advice? No. Has he ultimately been proven to be right? More often than not. Don’t tell him I said that, please.

Thinking about that, it makes me realize the progression of our relationship. He was a vendor who along the way became a mentor and ultimately has been a good friend. Which doesn’t put a dime in his pocket. Don’t tell him I said that, either.

A few years before I got to know Joel, I was working (and not very hard) as a distributor salesperson. There have been a lot of people I’ve encountered since then, but of those, I think I can accurately state that I’ve remained in contact with very few.

One of those was John Pagano. John was a multi-line rep who called on the distributorship for whom I worked. This was back in the days when there weren’t as many suppliers as there are now, nor multi-line reps… and the lines they featured were pretty much the name brands of the time. Through his trained eye, I think John came to realize what a lost cause I was, but for whatever reason, apparently he liked me.

So much so that, when one of the lines he represented was in need of a new national sales manager, he got me in the door and ultimately the job. That I was completely unqualified meant nothing to John (nor the company’s owner, apparently). He knew something… saw something, and I guess it was win/win for the me (the foot in the door on the supplier side) and the company (okay, maybe not as much. I left after 13 months of chaos, cursing, and abuse).

Over the years, I knew that I could continue to count on John’s friendship, guidance, support, and unsolicited opinions. He may not have realized he was being a mentor. Maybe his football background made him more of a coach. Regardless… if he felt that he had something to contribute to a conversation, he’d let you know it in no uncertain terms. Subtlety was not his thing.

It was hard to believe that he would ever retire. He still had so much to share with the promotional products industry, but he felt that it was time to slow down, enjoy life and the grandchildren. He took to this role the same way he approached everything… a typical “take no prisoners” way of life.

No one is ever ready to say the final “goodbye.” When I learned of John’s death in August, I was stunned. John was a friend and mentor – someone to whom I’d always looked up… a larger than life character who would always be there for me and for all of us. And then he wasn’t. And I have a problem with that. I’m pissed. I know that I will continue to screw up and/or need an experienced ear and he’s not going to be around to help. 

Thanks to John, and to Joel, for instilling in me the mentor mentality. I’ll continue to do it. I’ll continue to take some money for it, too. These might be good, smart, men, but they also taught me to be a mercenary.

Don’t be afraid to seek out and find a mentor. Don’t be afraid to be a mentor. Quite often these relationships can pay in ways more important than cash.

Mike Schenker, MAS, is the executive director of the Gold Coast Promotional Products Association (GCPPA), as well as “all that” at Mike Schenker, Consulting. He is a promotional industry veteran and member of the Specialty Advertising Association of Greater New York (SAAGNY) Hall of Fame. He can be reached at mike@mikeschenker.com.